Monday, 4 February 2008


Chin up old bean. Picking up
varied blitz packages involving
linemen and defensive backs
is very difficult.

When I was growing up, I remember a distinct period in my life when I had to make a choice. It is not well known, but I am an incredible athlete and my passion was American football. I played the same position as the absolutely adorable Tom Brady but had a terrible knitting accident that derailed my aspirations. It was Christmas season and I decided to knit some Christmas sweaters for some of my mates. Unfortunately, I tried doing so under the influence of alcohol and a cocktail of party drugs. An errant knit punctured my throwing hand and ended my dream of playing professionally. That was when I made the choice to leave athletics forever and join the as-exciting world of knitting. Watching the Super Bowl yesterday and seeing the Football Giants of New York defeat the Patriots of New England flooded me with memories of my glory days.

Friday, 1 February 2008

Evian Baths, Oh How I Miss Thee


Sorry, I didn't get to blog yesterday. We were having problems with the plumbing in my house and I had to deal with these unsavory blokes all morning. You see, our tub usually only runs EVIAN water for our baths at the Conway residence but it seems I accidentally dropped a bag of conflict diamonds down the pipe and our platinum plumbing began to leak. Father was so distraught about the situation that he rented the presidential suite at the Hyatt Regency (obviously 5 Stars darling) just so "he can take a decent shower like any normal tax stealing...err...I mean tax paying citizen." I think I'm going to head there now too for a bathe, I'm getting severe rashes from my Egyptian cotton knickers. Until next time too-ta-loo and remember, if you ain't rich you ain't shit.

Thursday, 31 January 2008

Thursday, January 31st

Oh bother, there's a peacock on my head
hahaha jk, I want it to be there. LOL.

As you can imagine, the last 24 hours has been tough on me...but not as tough as the last 24 months trying to spend £80,000. The thing is sure...I have a lot of money and am very flamboyant, but jeez, give me a break. Do you know how hard it is to spend £80,000?? Most of you darlings could never understand, even if you walked a mile in my £1,000 Louis Vutton Loafers with the gold encrusted strap. Shame on you for judging me. As such, I will now vent on things that I hate:

- Pants, shirts, shoes or knickers that cost less than £500
- Food that isn't served with caviar or food that costs less than £50 a meal, although, I must admit I do adore some peasant meals like...what is that one called...oh, right, bangers and mash. I will eat that if I really want to slum, but it has to come with a side of caviar.
- I really dislike Rob Lowe for some peculiar reason. He is incredibly handsome but not as majestically dressed like Prince Charles II
- I hate people that live under the poverty line...actually, scratch that, I hate people that live under my poverty line which is roughly £1000/ day.
- I hate Suge Knight because he was involved with the murders of Tupac and Biggie
- I hate Daniel Craig, not because he's an untraditional Bond, but because he turned down my advances at a party
- I hate poor people...oh wait I think I already mentioned that
- I hate yarn that doesn't have fire retardent qualities

I HATE YOU ROB LOWE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


To be sure, these are very trying times for me and my family. In fact, yesterday I had to eat mashed potatoes not prepared by Chef Ramsay...GASP!!!! I know. Well, to make me feel better feel free to purchase my book about the history of Knitting on Thank you for your money...errrr...I mean time.



Your Body's Calling Me: The Life and Times of R. Kelly


ENJOY DARLINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!